This is an attitude that I sense when working with conflicts in relationships.

A person can experience attitudes like this when they are in a difficult relationship. The tendency in relational conflicts is that the parties involved blame the other person/people for the problem and fail to realize that in a conflict both parties have a part in the conflict and need to take responsibility for their issues.

Usually the relationship will continue in gridlock until one of the sides takes responsibility for their offense. The sobering reality, or should I say the humorous side, is that both parties involved are planning on spending eternity together. Even our Abba Father sees it a bit strange when he asks those in conflict with each other?

“How can you say you love Me, who you don’t see, and yet hate your brother (each other) who you do see.” 1 John 4:20. Abba Father is saying something doesn’t make sense. Who is fooling who?

One of the ways in dealing with conflict in relationships is to take responsibility for your part even if your part is 10% (or less) in the conflict.

Sometimes you may even ask forgiveness for hurt that you did not even create. How can that be? Because we are all part of the body of Jesus Christ. When someone in the body of Christ hurts another person, it also affects me as well.

Healing can begin to be experienced when I take responsibility for my issue, go to humility, and seek forgiveness for my 10% (or less) in the conflict.

The wisest man who ever lived teaches in Proverbs 15:33, 18:12, 22:4, and 29:23 that before there is honor (respect) there is first humility. We all want to be honored.

The way to honor is humility. However, humility goes against every bone in my body yet humility grants us power. James 4:6 says, “Abba Father resists the proud but gives grace (power) to the humble.”

Grace is powerful. It grants us the power to experience the fruit of the spirit even in difficult relationships. (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (balance) – Galatians 5:22-23. A person who demonstrates this fruit in a relationship usually does not struggle with the attitude – “Fix him” or “Fix her.”

Founder of Door of Hope North Carolina

Ray Weaver · Counselor PA Office

Ray serves as counselor at the Door of Hope office in Ephrata, PA. He graduated from Rosedale Bible College in 1988 and Lancaster Bible College in 1995. Ray and his family have also served as missionaries in Ghana, West Africa for five years (2004-2009) where he was director of Crusades for Christ International and Administrator at Crusades for Christ Bible Institute.

As a counselor, he finds it a privilege and a joy to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a tangible way as he observes the Healer transform marriages and minister healing to hurting people. Ray’s first wife, Marilyn, passed away in February 2017, from a brain tumor. They have five sons. Their oldest son is married. Ray married Doretta in 2019. They live with their four other sons in Reading, PA.

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